I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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