did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
