He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
