That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
