ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
