It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
