Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
