someone threw a dead crab at me
Where is the hickey?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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