im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
