I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
