The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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