the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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