It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i will never coherently bang her
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
