"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
40s are totally the cure
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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