i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
