FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
