please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
