I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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