all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
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I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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