Don't you send me to vm
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
