Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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