and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
