even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
