Apparently you make a good broom.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
