Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
