My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
