Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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