hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
