your parents love me but you hate me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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