No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
