When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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