Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
