i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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