Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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