let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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