i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
