your thong is hanging out like whoa
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
