Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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