I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
