when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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