gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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