Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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