Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
