remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Brb crying the tears of my youth
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
