i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
