it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
