I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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