literally had 100 drinks last night.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
birth control should be required to get into college
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
