He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
