I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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