i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
