Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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