Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
