**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
