We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
