If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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