Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
