her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
And then he peed in my hair
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