I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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