Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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