Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
