his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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