I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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