and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
