Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
