Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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