Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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