Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
birth control should be required to get into college
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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