my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
