Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
