Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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