I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
