I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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