Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
