Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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