so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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