I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
