This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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